A Smartwatch Evaluates Sexual Performance

A chinesice. The expression, if you pay attention on it, until it is slightly xenophobic, but serves us to describe that product that is lower quality, always or almost always useless and produced in China (or Taiwan, or in Indonesia, whatever; places where is mass produced and at low cost).

The “GME1” is a species of smartwatch clock, almost like the Apple. But only almost. Tell him that it is “100%”, but is manufactured, there is … in China. A chinesice of 99.90 euros, but that, say its creators, doesn’t want to enter the competitive market of the smartwatch clock, but in a niche, how to call it?, more “fun”.

This contraption of 25 grams (only) has an accelerometer. An accelerometer that measures heart rate, movements and vibration of the arm. The information collected is sent, via Bluetooth, to an application (for it to iOS and Android) on the user’s smartphone.

And what is that information that is sent to the application allows you to interpret? The exercise, of course, but also sleep (more or less excited, with or without bigger nightmares), the ecological footprint (we already there) and … the sexual performance.

The “GME1” Madrid Geeksme company does almost nothing than the Apple Watch, for example, does. And what does “scientifically accurate” — are the breeders that say, don’t we.

And how the “GME1”, or better, the accelerometer measures your sexual performance? That’s the chinesice. He even measures the heart rate, but it has to be the user to say when it started and concluded the sexual act — there will be something to remember the devil, but we give the benefit of the doubt to the contraption of Geeksme.

And after? After measuring the length of the Act (not worth forgetting to click at the end), the calories burned during the said and your intensity. Right. And after? After the application says that animal you are, in an allusion to the Hare tortoise—not worth detailing more, do you?

“Users will be able to share with friends on social networks: today was a tiger!” jokes Angel Sanchez, the Executive Director of Geeksme. But alert: “is not scientific nor right, but it’s fun, and will serve to promote the social part of the application”.

The other special feature of this watch is related to the payment. The company’s CEO knows that “a clock that tells you whether or not good in bed is going to sell,” but also they care about “environmental aspect”. And how do you measure the ecological footprint with the smartwatch clock? Download an application, the user describes your lifestyle, “using rechargeable batteries or not, recycles the garbage, how often leads a week, how long does it take in the shower or how often uses weekly washing machines and dishwasher. And he measures your ecological footprint—as a simple Excel sheet would, anyway.

Honestly, we don’t know who is more smart: If the creators or if the watch.